HI, Five years ago I was helping my husband carry wood into my
Mom's wood shed, when I lost my balance and fell. Because I was
afraid that the load of wood I was carrying would fly up and hit
me in the face, I reached out with my left arm to catch my fall.
As soon as I hit the ground, I knew that I had broke my arm. That
was the beginning to a very long journey where pain was my traveling
partner.
I had surgery on that arm, and it was in a hinged brace for many
weeks. I went to the physical therapist and did as much as I could
possibly do to gain the strength back in that arm again. Because
I had crushed some bones, I was advised by my doctor that I would
probably never get the mobility back into it again. However, I
was determined to get that arm back to as normal as possible.
Within a month of the fall, I took a job working for an attorney.
I don't even remember working there, because I had to take so
much pain medication just to make it through the day. I was eventually
fired from the job because I couldn't get to work on time, was
grumbling about the air conditioning and the way it effected my
arm, and couldn't do many of the tasks that I was required to
do because I didn't have the use of my left arm. To the attorney's
credit, he did try to accomodate my disability.
I didn't really try to get another job, because I had no energy.
I had to take the pain medication, and when I did decide to get
off the medication, I ended up in having an emotional break-down.
My husband took me to the doctor where through tears I was able
to explain that the pain kept me on edge all of the time. I told
him that the sun or heat sent electric like currents through my
arm, the cold made my arm feel like I had been out in freezing
tempretures and it burned. I talked to him about how I kept my
arm guarded because I couldn't stand people to touch or bump into
me. He was very responsive to my pain, and suggested that I see
a physician that specialized in Pain.
It took a few months to get into see the Pain Specialist, but
when I did he was able to immediately diagnose my problem as RSD.
This is really where the journey begins to be an up-hill struggle.
Now, most people would be delighted to have a diagnosis - just
to have confirmation that the pain is real. Although, I was glad
to know that what I was feeling had a name, I am very curious,
and started researching the Internet for information. I didn't
like what I read. It was frightening, disappointing, frustrating.
There was no cure for RSD! I found myself grieving the loss of
that arm. I went through various stages of denial, depression,
bargaining with God and acceptance.
The Pain Specialist suggested that I see a Pain Therapist. I really
resisted the idea, but didn't like the pain I was in, and decided
I would at least try to see if it would be helpful. The counselor
that I chose was a woman who worked in the same clinic as the
Pain Specialist. She was a counselor, yes, but she was able to
provide me with a lot of physical and emotional tools to help
me learn to cope with the pain. I learned imagery for relaxation,
found various topical creams that would help to distract me from
the pain (Sombra) and learned to do some mirror imaging. The stress
management skills that I learned were great, as well as new communication
skills to help my family learn to deal with it. Speaking of my
family, every member of my family went into the sessions with
me at some point in time to help them understand the disorder
and to help me understand how they were feeling about it.
As I said in the beginning, my travelling companion (pain) and
I are on a journey. I have become a stronger person on this journey,
and actually like the person I have become, by travelling with
this companion. I think that there is a point of "enlightenment"
that a person in pain or with a disability can reach if they are
willing. I was willing to do what ever it takes to learn to travel
with pain. For me, acceptance came after four years. One of the
things that I have learned to do is TALK. I have a strong need
to talk with others who have this disorder, or are experiencing
other types of pain. I also enjoy researching pain and finding
new coping skills. I recently developed a website:
http://chronicpain-byladyfrog.com with a blog, message board and
a chat room, where I am working on scheduling realtime online
support groups in the chat room. I think talking and gaining support
is a very important tool for someone in pain. It is a way that
we can share stories, compare notes on coping skills and even
sometimes vent out the pain in a safe place.
Its all about the journey from denial to acceptance. It doesn't
happen in one day, it takes time, and you will bounce in and out
of the various stages of grief. For some, it may take a month,
and for others it may take years. Some may never really get to
a point of acceptance. I did, and for that I am very grateful!
