Sheryl - Maine, USA

I was diagnosed with RSD in February 2001 following surgery on my left knee, which involved cutting the bone and placing a bolt. I was my surgeon's last patient, because he had affairs with his female patients, so his career changed - though he had to see me as a patient for 6 months after surgery. With his new career, I was no longer much to him, and he made me feel like I was just an interference. He didn't explain anything, but just kept sending me back to the hospital for tests. When I asked what the test was for, he would snap at me. I got fed up with him after he said he thought I had RSD, he didn't explain it to me and naturally I thought he was trying to tell me it was all in my head because antidepressants was his biggest issue. I suffered with no doctor for several months until I was finally able to see a new surgeon who confirmed the RSD diagnosis and explained it to me. I have it in my whole left leg from the foot foot clear up to my hip. I have insomnia, and I'm so irritable that my 12 year-old daughter wonders why the tone of my voice is no longer pleasant.
I always ask why me? What did I do wrong to deserve this?. I was raised in a good family which gave me lot's of love and still does. At the age of 16 my virginity was stolen from me by a rapist and I have been raped 3 times since then. I spent 7 years getting beaten by my youngest daughters father. I lost my best friend to suicide, then I lost another best friend to murder. My life has been so full of hurdles to jump and I can't jump any more.
Finally, God gave me everything I needed - a man to love me, the willpower to learn to trust men again, two beautiful daughters and a happy family life. For three months life was great, then I had that stupid operation that totally screwed up my life. I don't know how or why my fiancée puts up with me; I don't know how my children can live with me - it's not fair to them to have to suffer with me. I just want to crawl in a hole and die. I pray every night that I will not awake in the morning... Now, to top it all off, Social Security denied my appeal, so I need to get a lawyer and fight the case. I don't have the energy to fight any more.
I am right with the RSD Awareness campaign. I want the world to hear about this as no one really knows about until they get struck with it. We all know what cancer is; as for MS, we know that too; there are so many diseases we all know about, but RSD is hidden in a corner. I mean I'm no longer the Sheryl I once knew - She was left on the operating table and I don't even look like her any more because I can't exercise, so I'm gaining weight.
Thank you for giving me more reason to keep fighting.
Sheryl